Friendship Project Update: A "Like" Does Not a Friendship Make

I have a Friendship Project (you can read more about that here) I’m putting front and center in my life right now. My focus is on being intentional about deepening current friendships as well as putting myself in situations where I can meet new friends which in turn will grow my circle.

Recently, I had a wonderful conversation with a friend from college whom I ran into a few years ago at my daughter’s college soccer game (she was there watching a friend’s daughter who was playing on the opposing team), and we did a fast and furious catch-up at halftime. 

Ashley was in my wedding but shortly after that, she moved to Chicago and we lost touch. As a reminder, this is pre-cell phone days and Yahoo email was just starting to become a thing. Eventually, I found her again on Facebook which I had thought was so wonderful but Ashley wasn’t a consistent poster so I really didn’t know much more than that she was living in California.

So when I ran into her at that soccer game and realized she was living back in Omaha, I was so happy that there was a chance we could rekindle our friendship.

We vowed to get in touch to meet for coffee or lunch and it wasn’t until last spring, when I was visiting my daughter, that we had plans to meet for coffee. However, plans were foiled when she had to cover for a sick co-worker that day and we didn’t make any further effort to set another date because I didn’t know when I’d be back in Omaha. (I’ve been back to Omaha since but with limited time for any social plans.)

But Ashley popped into my mind twice within a two-week span recently so I just reached out to her via text and asked if we could schedule a phone call. I didn’t want any more time to go by just because we hadn’t had the opportunity to meet up in person yet.

We agreed to a time and ended up talking for over two hours catching up on all the details of what we’d missed over the years. Well, not all, but it was damn close.

The whole reason I’m sharing this is because I had a moment of clarity when I was talking with her.

When Facebook came out, I thought it was going to be so awesome because I could now keep up with my friends who were far away. All of those college friends scattered around the country? No problem. Log in, scan my feed, and see what my friends have been up to. I could click on an appropriate emoji or even share a comment! Look at me being a great friend!

Wrong.

Using social media to “stay in touch” did the opposite for my friendships.

Instead of bringing me closer to friends, it kept me from having the real conversations that are required for true connection.

Facebook and other social apps were low-hanging fruit and I reached for it. And sadly, I’ve been reaching for it for a while.

Social media (specifically Facebook) has required the least amount of effort from me to get what I thought would help me stay connected. But what I’ve ended up with has felt more like getting the hollow chocolate bunny at Easter.

You know what I’m talking about.

Getting a hollow bunny in the Easter basket was VERY disappointing and dare I say, felt like we were less loved? Having a solid chocolate bunny in that basket was the candy version of hearing “I love you to the moon and back.”

So, to bring this back around to social media…

Social media likes and comments = hollow chocolate bunnies.

Phone calls, text messages, and real-life meetups = solid chocolate bunnies.

So this is part of my work in my Friendship Project…stay off social media to feel “connected” and start making phone calls and sending texts instead. Those calls and texts will then lead to plans for coffee, walks, lunch, weekly pickleball games, girl’s trips, and who knows what else.

I’m no longer available for the hollow friendships I’ve been trying to sustain over the years via likes and comments.

In 2025, I’m showing up for solid friendships and real connections only.

Join me?

Meeting my online friend, Nina Badzin, in Minneapolis in 2018. She inspires me to be a better friend every day and sets the bar on how to show up for others. Thank you, Nina!