It happened on a whim—as most things in my life do. (Hi, my name is Hallie and I have ADHD.)
I made a video for TikTok and this is what I said:
I’ve got a big ask. (which at least 15 people thought I said “I have a big ass.” I guess that’s what they call a hook, an unintentional one, but it worked!)
I’m looking for women in the Kansas City area that want to do cool things together…but, without alcohol.
I live alcohol free and I’m trying to find other women in the Kansas City area who are also living alcohol free and want to get together to do really cool things, whether it’s playing pickle ball, hiking, biking, walking on trails, shopping at Christmas markets, theater, whatever it may be…but without alcohol.
I tend to need people that have flexibility during the week, not necessarily on the weekends because weekends for me are usually for family and other activities, we travel a lot. So during the week, I tend to have more freedom.
BUT, I will take whatever I can get at this point. So if you’re interested in connecting, let me know or know somebody in the Kansas City area that this would be their jam, please for this to them. I would love to connect with them.
Thank you.
That first line is what hooked them FOR SURE (lol!) because the rest of it was pretty blah. I mean, if someone’s lead line is “I have a big ass,” I’m sticking around to see what the follow up to that is. And thank god they did because it got the ball rolling to create something other women needed, too.
So far, that post has 16,100 views, 850 hearts, 333 comments, and 144 saves. Women came running at the idea of a social club without alcohol. I’ve never had anything take off like that and I know it wasn’t because of my riveting message.
We are craving connection and understanding. We want to be around people who “get” us and why not start with a place where we normally feel “other”…our sobriety.
Before I sent out the bat signal on TikTok, I researched sober women’s groups in Kansas City and the only thing I could find was recovery groups, AA meetings, and halfway houses. I wish I was kidding.
I even reached out to a fellow female podcaster based in KC whose focus is on sobriety and addiction and she didn’t know of any. But she did graciously offer to reach out to me the next time she and some of her fellow sober friends got together. That was very nice of her but still not what I was looking for.
So, the manifesting generating part of me waved my ADHD brain over and I put it out on the Tikky Tokky to see what I could find. And away we went!
I started a group on Meetup.com to send people who had raised their hands and so far we have 88 women there. We’ve migrated to Whatsapp because the free version of Meetup is awful and I’m not willing to invest in the upgrade out of the gate.
So far, I’ve scheduled a walk at local park, a coffee date at Parisi Cafe at Union Station, and I’m hosting a private Mahjong lesson for myself and seven women in our group this weekend.
It’s become a part of my daily “job” to respond to questions on WhatsApp and do some brainstorming on our next get together but I’m enjoying it. It’s work needed to get this group off the ground.
I was inspired by one of my previous podcast guests, Lexi Morton, who created Well-Lived Women—which is now called Wild Ivory—a membership style group that offers curated experiences like candle-making, surf lessons, flower-arranging lessons, or private brunch with the gals at a local winery.
I’ve mentioned why I’ve felt lonely in a few posts already (like here and here) but I was sick of waiting to find my people. And by “my people” I mean women whom I wanted to invest my time in and those who wanted to do the same with me.
My friend, Nina Badzin, talked about this in one of her podcasts Ep. 169. Her guest, Linda-Marie Barrett, talked about starting a salon to expand her friendship circle through meaningful and intentional conversations. This is what I needed to do…to create the thing I’m wanting when I can’t find it anywhere!
What I wanted was to spend time with women who also lived alcohol free or sober curious. I’m the odd one out in most social situations soowhat if I could be in a group and be one of many? Like what if we could have a place where we belonged BECAUSE we didn’t drink alcohol?! Whaaaa…
Friends have suggested attending AA meetings to meet other sober women but that never resonated with me. I’m not “in recovery” and that was never my journey with alcohol. Also, my father went through alcoholism treatment (unsuccessfully) when I was a junior in high school and I think the trauma from that experience is also what keeps me away. Who knows why I avoid it but I really have no desire to start there.
So I made a video, stated my desires, and here I am, organizing walks, coffees, and Mahjongg lessons.
Build it and they will come, they say.
Well, we’re giving that a go over here and I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going!
If you’re struggling to find your people or a group centered on things you love to do, stop reading this and go build the thing you need but can’t find.
It may feel scary at first but you’ll be pleasantly surprised when people start raising their hands and saying, “me, too!”
Love that you do this. I just know it’s the beginning of something amazing 🤩
FANTASTIC!!!